Being Submissive is NOT the Equivalent to Being Brainless

I find it disturbing how many women I've run across since entering the bdsm world that seem to want to check their brains at the door. Like somehow it's required in this. Being a sub does not mean being a mindless doll to be played with at some Dom's whim! It is a power exchange it should be negotiated and you should be receiving as much as you are giving!

I find myself wondering if this is how you conduct your day to day life, or it is seriously that you have somehow come to believe you cannot be submissive and stand up for, or look out for, yourself at the same time.

I'm enjoying my foray into D/s greatly, but if I thought for one second I'd have to
give up my brain to be submissive, I'd be out of here so fast I'd leave a smoke trail. The rules for relationships, however, behavior, negotiating your needs, keeping your self respect, and overall safety still apply here!

As a sub, I'll admit, I can be a bit of a challenge at first, because I will not submit to anyone until I know the person will not take advantage of me. That we have mutual desires and tastes. That I will be safe in my submission. After that, he can have anything and if he can't handle that fact about me, then he isn't the right fit for me and I'm not right for him. I am a woman, submissive is merely a layer of my complex makeup. When I agree to be in any kid of a relationship with a man, it will be based on who he is from the soul up, not based on the fact he knows how to throw around a few dominant catch phrases.

Dom or sub is not a blanket statement. We all have nuances. Different desires, needs. Just because you feel you are a submissive does not mean you are, nor is a dom, one size fits all. You have to do the work here to find the man that fits with you. His dominant characteristics are a part of what attracts you, but is far from all you need and if you can't see that, if you can't choose that for yourself, you will never find a satisfying experience and in truth, you could be badly damaged.

Being a sub is not the equivalent of being brainless and being a dom is not the equivalent of being god! Once you're in a D/s relationship than treat your dom however you've both agreed is appropriate, but do NOT give away your power, your dignity, your strength, your desires, your will, simply because someone wrote the word "dom" on their profile!

I am an intelligent, strong willed, independent woman. I will not ever give that away. I will not ever check my brains at the door. I'm very good at being submissive. I'm very good at being obedient. And when I choose a man to give these things too, they are doubly appreciated by him because he earned it. In my experience, a good dom doesn't mind a bit of a challenge or having to earn my initial agreement. Negotiation is not a bad thing!

Women, please, please hear this if you hear nothing else on your journey into BDSM if you are the kind of woman that attracts users and assholes in your day to day vanilla life, you are playing with fire in here! Look inside, find your strength and apply it before you ever allow a man to dominate you sexually. D/s is sexy, it's intoxicating, it can be blissful, but it is NOT going to fix anything about who you are or how you navigate your relationships. It is a dangerous place to be if you are not whole and capable of saying NO that doesn't work for me!